My name is Carie. I am 28-years-old and living an eternal awkward phase in that ignored part of New York... the state part.

I'm a writer working at a convenience store while raising two parents on my own with no help from my deadbeat siblings. I am also an amateur Baby Wrangler for my niece Giulia aka Baby!

You may say I'm weird but I say I'm awesome and since I'm me and you're not, I'm right. Just saying. So take a look around my blog, if you like it, stick around. If not, peace out. I'm not here to fucking impress you.

 

I told my mom to bring me home something pretty from Chicago. She brought a gnome for my gnarmy. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Van Buren.

I told my mom to bring me home something pretty from Chicago. She brought a gnome for my gnarmy. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Van Buren.

The company who supplies our propane called and wanted a count. Fuck that. It’s fucking pouring outside.

Working on my day off. I have a bool to finish by today so… I’mma read. I’d be more pissed if today wasn’t a Muslim holiday akin to Christmas from what I understand. Still ain’t gonna do shit today however.

So I have to work tomorrow on my day off. Fucking awesome.

My parents are supposed to be pissed at my mom’s sister for the way she talked to me after our Chicago trip but they still treat her like everything is cool. Are you fucking kidding me?

I had to stay late at work so my co-worker could fill the cooler. Fuck that. Do it on your down time, you know, like I have to.

I am so tired and frustrated that all I wanna do is sit alone in my room and do nothing but my gramma is here staying with me because my parents are out of town and she wants to watch shitty movies on tv. Usually I am on board with that but I wanna just hang out, alone, and wallow.

Yay. I get to work tomorrow too. Fucking son of a bitch.

That’s all it is and it’s GLORIOUS. I don’t think it’s as homoerotic as Blood and Sand, but I am appeased.
And also, it’s oddly shakespearean in how they talk.
They always stifle the homoerotica. Stupid, lame TV.
Everyone didn’t speak Shakespearean back then? Pretty sure they did. It’s proven historical fact. Everyone spoke Shakespeare fancy… and were white. Especially Egyptians and Middle Easterners.
I’m watching spartacus: vengeance
I feel that is filled with shirtless ripped men fighting in homoerotic fashions and I am on board with this.

http://futuristic-viking.tumblr.com/post/92876491703/happykillerninjapanda-dear-friend-units-how

futuristic-viking:

happykillerninjapanda:

Dear friend units,

How are you? Where are you? I miss you. Please, come back.

Love always,
Friend unit Carie

FRIEND UNIT NUMBER JS012 INITIATING REPLY:

Friend unit CV02 (henceforth known as Carie),

FUJS012, henceforth known as Erin, has been suffering from some…

CV02 REPLY SEQUENCE INITIATED. CV02 FORM OF FANCY LETTER COMPOSER. TRANSITION COMMENCE.

[cheap CGI movie of sequence. Lots of flashing colors. Totally not safe for anyone with flashing issues]

Dearest Erin,
I am deeply saddened to hear of your anxious affliction. I too, have been experiencing my own versions of anxious meltdowns as of late. My untreated separation anxieties has left me a sniveling child sobbing at my place of business and car rides because my mommy left town. This, as you can guess, has left me feeling very foolish and angry at myself as I was sure I was over this. I blame my recent completion of feminine complications that have left my hormones, pardon my phrasing, wonky. Best of luck in your recovery and please keep time open for a conference via Skype in the near future. 

Highest regards,
Carie Valentine

END OF PROPER LETTER COMPOSER SEQUENCE

Dear friend units,

How are you? Where are you? I miss you. Please, come back.

Love always,
Friend unit Carie